insomnia/too much colloid?

ENTIRETY OF POSSIBILITY-i keep passing that comment written on a bench in central park and i always think how cool it is that someone is out there thinking that way-not the best english but the thought is magnificent. it encompasses all. it allows all. it sets no rules, it includes all options. it reminds me of a precocious (which is how she described herself when i met her) eight year old child i had the fun of taking care of for a year when i was twenty in exchange for room and board. and i guess children are more likely to think in that vein and too bad most of us lose that ability to feel that. because its a great flippin feeling. and having recently seen my 8 year old, now an adult shes still got it....which is nice to see. nice from its middle english roots actually means foolish and it was not so long ago that it was not a very complimentary thing to say. but whats wrong with acting a little foolish from time to time? as long as no one loses an eye, its all good.
last call....

on veut ce que on ne peut pas avoir

yeah its pretentious but it explains most of life doesnt it? was tempted to a start a long expose but then thank goodness for anyone reading this was called away for a night of imbibition.
sans souci....

bliss

summer in the city of e.b. white.... today was heavy with humidity and the park was laden with moist people. went for a run -the first in many months. since the injury my training has been abysmal. thanks goodness for friends that call me up to say silly things like-you wanna go running? so off we went. wasnt aware of the heat but trying to be aware of myself and what i can do. after my friend dropped out i continued by myself and as is my recurring habit to do- to try to pass everyone in front of me-silly rabbit- why do you do this? yo no se...but it gives me such a rush to be able to...one after another they fall away and for some reason it feels even better when people then try to pass me and cant and i hear an epithet in my dust. i guess i just answered my own question. know that i am not that great a runner but when motivated i can definitely hold my own as well as someone elses.
tonight, a wondrous, almost pornographic dinner of raw fish at one of the best places in town...ahhh.
i have so much. its insane.

the benighted, the benign, the benevolent

re: sharing ones mind.....
but some people dont know how to play nice and respect others peoples things so we are hence...
so can one actually delve into the space of others and depart unscathed?
once you have touched the aura of another, arent you both different? changed? adding to the entropy of the milky way...like bumper cars in a primitive sort of way.
and that is such a great word-aura that is--to save you the trouble of looking it up bec most people, i feel dont appreciate the scope of the word-"an invisible breath or emanation. a distinctive air or quality that characterizes a person or things." its etymological latin root meaning gentle breeze. i love words- they can be so sensual, so expressive, so revealing, so comforting. but then to also acknowledge their full range of power --and we all know power can be used for good or evil---they can be so hurtful, so cutting, so spiteful and damaging.
power- "the ability or capacity to perform effectively"...from the latin to be able.
so some people measure their effective performance on their ability to wound or maim another and yet others do not need to have anothers neck under their shoe to feel alive..what is it that separates one from another? i have found there is so much gratutious joy in how my words can make others feel.

how well do you really want to get to know people?

how intimate do you want to be? blood, saliva, bile, feces, vomit, urine, semen, sputum, tears...how much can people emit from their bodies and still retain a sense of dignity? ankle deep in it all- spattered and pulled in all directions.
esp the tears....yanking viscerally at you...triste, muy triste...
so what next? like the godfather- everytime i try to get out they pull me back in-
unaccessible by no one except myself- the mind is a splendorous thing, so private, so decadent, so mine.
free reign.
i shall have to ponder the possibilities of the next adventure.

reminder: have fun with your blog

recently reminded that this was something i felt was cathartic to do ...so i am back on track.
socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living- one of my favorites.
so i am examining -isnt that strange? you would think i would have it all figured out by now.
or at least finished the exam part and moved on to the lab work.
friends- so great- i would have drowned many times over if not for them. different crossroads of my life they have helped me with everything from analgesic and amensia to zero gravity and i really cant think of any other z words right now except zoology and as good as my friends are i dont think anyone has ever assisted me with that...so i guess that will have to remain unsaid or unwritten for now. i am rambling but i guess thats what a blog is for- a refuge for the sleep deprived-muy casada. will try to form this into a coherent thought tomorrow....shout out to d.g