the illumination is not worth the candle

so most of us get by by not seeing things too clearly. everything is a little blurred but, being always this way, people dont notice it and we say that each of them is a picture of mental health. (from 7 types of ambuiguity by elliot perlman)

which brings us back to that old joke--whats the largest river in egypt? de-nile.
but wasnt my friends brother or my sister worth a candle or two? m abusing herself, or g driven to hang himself by the fsb(the new kgb) or the many others whose lives have intersected with mine in one way or another-were they not worth a stick of wax? people spiralling or sometimes not moving at all. i see them at work, i see them at play. who the fuck is in control of the matches here? lives wasted, tortured, so much pain, indescribable. please look, look closely.
i feel the ache in my belly as i write this.

this is your life and its ending one minute at a time-fight club