closure

what does it mean and why do i crave it so badly? to the point of initiating it just so i can achieve control over the situation; the relationship, the job, the apartment. i move so often in all aspects of my life - what the hell am i trying to avoid? although i have gotten better... over a year in the same job and can actually anticipate being there for a few years. and its a great job that i love but i get viscerally uncomfortable when i think of being there for say- five years- its a lifetime- it feels like. why am i like this? my parents have been together since the stone age-whether or not they should have stayed together is an entirely different matter altogether. they have been in their house and jobs long- term, so i cant say i have had no stabilizing influences in my life. when does it stop? shouldnt i look for the one great guy to settle down with? or settle for? when i was younger i used to read alot more and used to love getting to the end of the book. even if the book was bad i would always finish it. i had to know the end. i had to finish it off. so in my own unique pathology i have to know the ending of things and to control it, i end it myself. damm i am so immature.