lemonsqueeze

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

appreciation

now isnt that what its all about?
the understanding of the nature or quality or magnitude of something/one. an expression of gratitude. to be fully aware or sensitive to.
of course it may also refer to the increase in value of an object. versus depreciation where the value of your assets fall over time. how does one determine the value of an object? a person? a relationship? what is your measuring instrument?

a friend of mine once told me of what he was looking for in his next relationship. he named several qualities which he felt were important and amongst them was that he wanted to feel appreciated. i thought about it and decided oh so simple, but oh so true. and so important. i added that to my list as well. even if what the other person is giving you is not what you had in mind- consider the thought behind the gesture.
so many people i have known continue to be in the same relationship with different people where they do not get that feeling of appreciation from the other. they are most resilient in how they continue to choose the same people. why stay? what is it in you that feels the need to punish or depreciate yourself if others do not recognize your worth? whether it be a job or a friendship or a lover.
and how does one get to the point in a relationship where all they see is depreciation? how unhappy are those people that they have forgotten why they are in the same room together?
maybe im an idealist but i truly feel you can never show too much appreciation, you can never say too many thank yous. friends and relatives oft underappreciated, taken for granted because they are there, one has expectations. equally important is the guy at the token booth or the housekeeper who comes around and empties my garbage while im busy doing great works-whatever.

and on the lighter side-- there is the cloud appreciation society whose goal is to fight the banality of blue skies-yes they have a web site. all hail the cumulonimbus.

to my kith, kin and blog mates-i truly do, sincerely, appreciate y'all.

6 Comments:

  • At 2:41 AM, Blogger minako said…

    i don't think people necessarily get into relationships to be appreciated - but when you've put alot of effort into a job or friendship or relationship and continually get taken for granted, it certainly is disheartening.. do people get into such relationships out of masochism, some sort of need to give without receiving, a 'mother teresa syndrome' perhaps? i guess it must not start out that way - you give and don't think you necessarily need back.. but we are all human after all, and eventually need to be made to feel good about ourselves.

    funny, over a year ago a friend asked me the very same question 'what are you looking for in your next relationship'? though i hadn't thought about it til then, without a moment's hesitation, i replied 'kindness - someone who will treat me kindly'. kindness implies a good soul, appreciativeness, love, and respect. though no one characteristic is ever an absolute - i guess we just all have to do our best..

    all hail to clouds and rain - it's beautiful to stay indoors sometimes and also beautiful to have that change of weather and clear blue skies...

     
  • At 10:54 AM, Blogger intrigant said…

    i think in terms of personal relationships- one can discern quite quickly whether they feel good or not, whether they are being treated kindly as you say or if they feel appreciated. some people still exist at a very dysfunctional childish level when it comes to relationships, and are greedy and petulant- not to insult children of course. i am personally acquainted with quite a few who have been taught how to play nicely with others. when i was a kid in that selfish mode my dad used to say - how would you like it if someone treated YOU that way? talk about an epiphany!

    and sometimes he still says that to me- by which i mean to convey that i still make mistakes. and hopefully if i deal with my errors in a forthright manner- the other person important to me will still feel the kindness, that the core of me is a well intentioned soul. you learn from being in different relationships. most peoples relationships get healthier with their experiences while some people have no learning curve at all and are recidivists in the same relationship with a different person who treats them poorly or continue to treat their significant other in an insignificant manner.

    but i am drifting from my original thought which comes down to this -if someone does not appreciate you and treat you kindly why would you stay in that relationship? my only answer to that is perhaps they do not appreciate themselves.

    tis a blue sky today-lovely...

     
  • At 6:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hmm, bloggin about me again?

    Sometimes its not appreciation at all that we seek, but for lack of a better word - devotion.

    When someone is devoted to you it goes without saying that they appreciate you - the expression of appreciation is not something one should seek or require from another in a relationship.

    A true friend appreciates you; a true love appreciates you; your children appreciate you. Yes its nice to be SHOWN appreciation, but most of us can get that from perfect strangers, on a daily basis, if we just open our eyes and allow ourselves to see. Its really not that special.

    If we are not feeling appreciated its because we are not understanding others
    expression and communication of their appreciation.

    Oh its great to get up early in the morning and be

    INTREPID

     
  • At 9:47 AM, Blogger rhein said…

    and i appreciate you and your wise words.

     
  • At 9:06 PM, Blogger intrigant said…

    intrepid-
    i take issue with your remarks-
    there are all sorts of different relationships that we engage in -some more personal and emotional than others. i do not seek devotion from the people i work with or many others that i deal with on a day to day basis. i would be slightly taken aback if i was the recipent of such said devotion. what i am trying to convey is that a little appreciation or respect goes a long way. why not say thank you to the toll booth collector? or the waiter who brings you your food? do you look upon them as servants who are just doing their job and are therefore not worthy of a kind word? what does it take from you to give that kind word? have you never had a job dealing directly with the public?
    i once read an article about the plethora of suicides off the san francisco golden gate bridge- one man left a note in his apartment before he jumped-saying that he was walking to the bridge and if just a single person along the way smiled at him, he would not jump. he jumped. this is not to say you are obligated to walk around with a big smile 24/7. indeed we all have our better/worse days. but whats wrong with tossing out a free smile now and then with no expectations in return?
    and to address the closer, more personal relationships-it takes so little to show this on a daily basis. you do not need to count the thank yous to feel appreciated. it is not a requirement, it not something actively sought but i think it is the stuff that keeps a relationship healthy and loving versus other relationships where the loathing is palatable in the air.

    and rhein-
    thank you for that.

     
  • At 1:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You take issue? Good thing you are my dearest friend - and dont forget it - otherwise I would never argue with someone as mighty as you!

    -Me

     

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