ragbrai musings

pre ragrai bus ride across iowa to get to our start point at le mars, iowa. aviator, radio, quadman, egg beaters, our magnificent tent, fireworks at night.

1st day-waking at 5am , dressing in the dark,start at 6am, on the road, us the french foreign legion, tandems, recumbents, reverse recumbent-whats with that? team colors, outfits, cotumes, two falls- unclip you moron, butts, quads, the heat, met marion (john wayne)from peachtree city the seinfeld aficionado, dutch town of orange city-popachas, nice people, nice towns, RUMBLES, the heat exhaustion, saved by the kum and go, arrival at sheldon, tried to convince everyone not to shower for the week, "it would be so much more interesting", the infamous beverage tent, jacuzzi without jets? a little too warm-must be the kiddie pool, getting ants, massage in the park with the all iowa massage people, fresh iowan sweet corn, "of course prostitution is good thing, theyre professionals, when youre sick you want a professional and you go to a doctor and when you have certain other needs to be taken care of you want a professional too and thats what they are there for" that night stormbrai-80mph winds, our loyal tent being held down with testosterone, unfortunate death of a rider by tree

2nd day-5am, steves rustling around until they wake alarm, warzone of rained out tents in the am, rainy ride of 85 miles, felt like hail against our bodies, finding flushies anywhere even the nursing homes, CAR UP, roadside signs, kryptonite, teams and mottos, team gourmet, its all about the food, team buff-big ugly fat fellows, team boozehound, team bitch, team piggy, team fart- friends and relatives, team air force, team goat (check out them butts!), its all about the pie, its all about the kybos, its all about the ride, "if you lick it they will come", mr pork chop, reaching the snowflakes of esterville, knee pain, neck pain, sleeping in the gym, spooning, the sleepwalker in his underwear

3rd day-5am, "git-r-done", leaving esterville and the snowflake stepford children singing christmas carols and playing with fake snowballs on the front lawn-eerie! riding with jonas, windy ride, intro to farm boy burritos, walking tacos, bison sticks, pie, skelaxin, chondroitin, ibuprofen, tylenol and diet coke, the iowa massage people, many thanks to ashley, chad and josef, twinkie on a stick the most disgusting thing in the world and i have eaten bugs, algona pow museum, "iowa, can you smell it?"

4th day-did i mention 5am? blink and you miss oak lake, titonka where pam finds a free shampoo, lost jonas on purpose, finding my email in the hair salon of course, third and last fall at crystal lake where i stayed on the ground for spite and thanks to the 6 air force guys who picked me up, met sean from upper east side, 1st day of decent weather, interesting showers that you can see into from the waterslide, hmmm, kettle corn, riders for the flag band who have played for the white house and arlington and us!, super good, sung us to sleep, quote of the day- "i broke my dick"-nuff said

5th day-5am,yeah still, riders for the flag stopping en masse to relieve themselves along the cornfields of iowa, "watch out for those corn snakes!", iowa fields and farm lands and no its not all flat, toilet paper rolls all set up by the side of the road, "bike naked", derek with his ipod playing queen helping me thru the hills, "i had to downshift on a downhill" mayor of riceville hands me an icepop which i drop, larry in saratoga wearing his peta shirt-people for eating tasty animals, getting a bike tatoo, amish ice cream, jail house showers, fresh strawberry shortcake, the awesome evening show of dean frazen- the mathematican/juggler/ragbrai biker, butt chafe, not pretty

6th day- 5am whatever, easiest day, only 60 miles, 1st stop in protivin where adeline a elderly lady gets knocked unconscious from a tandem going too fast downhill into town, lying in the street with blood on the street, initial few seconds no breathing, at the least a cracked skull, tandem people not to be found, what the hell? there are no absolutes, im so naive, day 3 of the bald guy carrying the 7 foot cross and the coleman cooler, whats the point?, wwjd, roadside proselytizing re abortion, hills and more hills, "im on your tail steve" mail order brides, teaching others to give a damm, siblings, go figure, body glide, the six 3 stooges, BEEKMANS!

7th day- yeah early start, hills, hills, and more of them there hills,people dropping by the roadside, power onward pam, st. olaf, UFF-DA, norwegian for oh fuck!or oh damm! last beekmans, last kybo, downhill to guttenberg, drive to dubuque, showers! rafters,
steve, pam, and jonas you rock!!! love you guys, same time next year......
and thanks to brett (you think youre on my hill, youre not on my hill) who will never read this.